So now that I have a smart tv packed full of emulators, it seems that I’m going to be playing a lot more classic games again. I won’t be able to take proper videos of the action like I could on the old PC, but eh, whatever. I’ll just have to talk your heads off in this horribly-named new feature instead.

One of the nice things about emulators is that you can play rare translated foreign games or odd little hacks like the Ninja Gaiden 3 easy mode hack version. Most people who played NES back in the day will tell you good things about Ninja Gaiden 1 and 2, but no one will ever say “boy that Ninja Gaiden 3 sure was great!” though. Arguably the biggest reason behind this was the bizarre spike in difficulty in what was already a near-obscenely difficult series. The levels and enemies were even tougher than before, but even worse was the fact that Tecmo had now slapped a 5 continue limit on you, making the game virtually impossible to finish legitimately. This hacked version tones things down a bit and does away with the continue limit, but make no mistake, it’s still an incredibly difficult game.

Unfortunately, even with the difficulty issues removed, it’s just an inferior game to its predecessors all around. The story is goofy nonsense about mutant clones and inter-dimensional invaders and there just isn’t anything particularly new or memorable about any of the levels or enemies. It’s still a classic Ninja Gaiden game, and so it’s not entirely devoid of fun, but it’s just one of those lazy just-more-of-the-same sequels that doesn’t really bring anything of its own to the table.

Fatal Rewind was one of those weird Genesis games that you found randomly at the video store, but never heard of anywhere else. This was back in the day when EA was pumping out a lot of weird, obscure Amiga ports for Genesis and doing a terrible job of advertising any of them. Fatal Rewind dug its own grave even deeper by being unbelievably difficult. The premise is that you’re on a futuristic reality TV show where you have to fight your way through a bunch of deadly enemies in a bunch of deadly levels to survive, but the catch is that there’s deadly acid rising from the floor in every level, giving you a pretty unforgiving time limit to find the exits.

To make matters worse the levels get increasingly labyrinthine and convoluted. I mean shit gets really, really over-complicated. In one later level, where the enemies and level layout are already tough enough by themselves, it also turns out that you need to collect 9 letters scattered throughout the level. Naturally this sounds too easy, and it is, because you can only pick them up using a Collector equippable item, and you can only carry one equippable item at a time, including all the various keys you need to get through a level, and it’s the only one of its kind in the whole level, AND it has limited uses too. Oh good, you juggled the Collector through the whole level and got all the letters and made it to the exit? Well it’s still locked you fucking idiot, because you have to use an unexplained series of switches to operate a weird devices that rearranges letters to spell out a word to unlock the exit. Hope you figure it out before that acid gets here!

This game is just…it’s absolutely impossible without using save states unless you’re some kind of grand master video game savant, and I’m not bad, but I’m not that level. I always wanted to see the later levels and finish this damn game though. Big surprise, there is basically no ending anyway, and it took so long to beat this one that I ran out of time to play any others so that’s the end for now. Oh welllllllllllllll.

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